Truth is the enemy of power. And power the enemy of truth. - Edward Abbey
Reality is sometimes just a big pain in the neck.
I'd know. After all, I played "what if" for a good three years of my life intentionally, and far longer not intending to. It's not just the matter of my constantly rewinding and replaying life; one is constantly unable to move from past present. "What if" is a tough habit to break.
Second unpleasant part of reality is clarity. Life just ain't black and white. It's mildly irritating to discover that after telling myself I'll never do something, ever again, I promptly do. It's kinda demoralizing too, since it shows that I can't just say "it is so" to myself and actually believe..
Another problem of reality is arguing. I don't think I've ever been on the winning side of an argument. No argument for me is so sound that I can't be convinced of it's falsity by a determined foe. Which means there ain't no absolutes for me. May not sound like a big problem, but trust me, a few reversals down the road, the humor begins to wear thin.
So while I sit here listening to "Best of Kansas," I'm trying to convince myself of something. Something real to hold onto. Something solid that won't vanish before superior reasoning. Something that will be there, come what may. And I sit. And I sit.
Without a foundation, life has all the stability of a plastic dradle. Once I think I've figured it out, it falls on its head, and back to square-one go I.
But more than just any foundation, I want a goal. Something to reach for. That's the funny thing. Climbing up Mt. Whitney was probably the hardest physical activity I've ever done. I was not prepared. I spent the first night on the mountain with a splitting headache, unable to sleep, and unable to do anything. I hadn't felt that physically rotten for a number of years. But still, I got up in the morning and started climbing. Up not down. Yet I know that were there no mountain at the end, no ridiculously impractical, yet somehow achievable goal, I would have gone right back down the next day. I need a goal. Not an easy goal. But a solid one.
A goal beyond doubts. A goal permanent enough to remain in my mind come what does. Something as real as a mountain.
And finally, something glimmers in my head.
Truth.
When I entered Stanford, I wanted to become a Computer Science major. Not because I was devoted to it, but because it was safe. Safe because I knew a lot alread about computers. Safe because I knew those who'd done it, felt that I too could do that. Safe because I knew I had an interest which wouldn't merely fizzle out. And this is all true. But it is not good reasons to steer my life in that direction. And it is not a goal in any real sense. It is in abdication of imagination.
Besides, fundamentally, I hate science. I hate science, because it expands man's capacity to be evil. Oh, we can do amazing things with it. I am not immune to technology. But I hate what it allows us to be, and I daresay, what it helps us become. Pure science is not evil, but in this world, where all must become applied, science too falls under the spell of industry. This ungodly alliance was aptly described by writer Edward Abbey: "Science is the whore of industry and the handmaiden of war."
So, what is wrong with this? Everything. Because science confers power. Every application of science is a bestowal of power upon some individuals. I care not who they be, but power, in any form, corrupts. Some may have been currupt to begin with, others not so. But power corrupts. And that corruption is the root of evil.
Clearly I am not meant to be an engineer. I do not believe science can be made ethical and I do not believe it can be stopped. However, for me, enough. I will not be complicit in providing the tools for the destruction of men and mankind itself.
There is only one force which has ever successfully opposed power: truth. It is the only weapon available against the rising tide of power. We live in a land today where a single man holds the fate of 6 billion in the palm of his hand. Power is more concentrated than ever before. It must be fought. We must fight it.
I admit I am unsure as to how best support truth. Perhaps the justice system would be a good choice. But when I look today, I see a system overrun with maggots. Perhaps politics is a choice. But there too, the proliferation of vermin is complete. In both, the root of the degradation lies in the power within. Perhaps one day these can be cleansed. But today, the individuals who expose the truth are the writers, the photographers: those who dare show the world as it is. They are those who are willing to shatter the illusions upon which the current world order is based, by attempting to show what really is.
The road is always long, always hard. But I know the dangers of the easy road. I have let life passively happen for 18 years. Enough. Sitting idily through making easy choices is not acceptable. It is not acceptable to allow the corrupt and the morally bankrupt to run this planet, and to raise no voice in outcry. It is not acceptable to accept the lies these rulers and their underlings feed us as truth. It is not acceptable to allow them to destroy our hope, our future and even the potential for our survival as a species. Time to fight.
Those who pursue and expose truth. I will be among them. It is to this goal I dedicate myself. It is upon this foundation that I will build my reality and my life.
Live free or Die!
